Love Won't Let Me Wait Read online

  “What is it?”

  “I’ll tell you at lunch.”

  “Are you going to show up this time, or leave me hanging like you did last night?”

  “Toya, this is serious. I need to talk to you about something important.”

  “What time do you want to meet?”

  “How about eleven-thirty?” Toya paused in thought.

  “Mmm, yeah, I guess.”

  “Alright, I’ll see you then.”

  “Bye.”

  “Later, hater.” Toya was in the zygote stage of her response as I hung up the phone. A well placed parting shot. Time to get up.

  I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom. Staring into the mirror, my thoughts turned to Shannon. Damn, I’m going to be a father. I felt increasing relief as I shaved, each pass of the blade on my skin erasing a lathered layer of anxiety. I rinsed the razor stepped out of my boxers and climbed into the shower. I smiled proudly as I imagined a mini-version of Shannon and me scurrying around my apartment. Definitely a boy, and handsome of course.

  I scrambled out of the shower and hastily dressed. In the kitchen, I downed a couple of aspirin with a glass of orange juice. My stomach was animate, rumbling with hangover hunger pains and threatening to explode like an errant science experiment. Three eggs sunny side up, a couple strips of bacon, grits, and raisin toast. I could almost taste it. I was running late though, and I didn’t have time for breakfast. I put the glass in the sink and shuffled out the door.

  That morning at the office found me in a particularly cheery mood. My hangover recovery had been helped along by a gallon of water, a bagel, and an apple. My stomach felt about as settled as could be expected, I had come to terms with Shannon’s pregnancy, and I had my boys in town for the weekend. Although things were looking up, I was still faced with the daunting task of breaking the news of my impending fatherhood to Toya, and the angst of change it could mean for our relationship. Much of the excitement derived from hanging out with Toya stemmed from the sexual tension between us. It made things very interesting. Oh the possibilities.

  Don’t get me wrong; Toya and I are just friends. Even if there were no physical attraction between us we would still be friends. I enjoy her company, I love her personality, and she is genuine, a quality that has long joined the ranks of Homo Sapiens Idaltu and the Neanderthals. The sexual tension just takes things to another level. Our friendship is very erotic, in a passive-aggressive kind of way.

  I called Calango to update him regarding the changes to our proposal. After getting his approval, I placed a call to Reasons to convey our position. Reasons continued playing hardball and the Technosync deal, long my preference, seemed closer to becoming a reality. I hated dealing with Reasons and his staff, Kyle Perkins in particular.

  Perkins rubbed me the wrong way from the onset of our meeting in the conference room of my office a few weeks ago. Smug little bastard, I don’t trust his little fat ass as far as I can spit. I get the feeling that he’s holding a grudge against me and I can’t figure out what it is. In any event, I think he may be allowing whatever ill feelings he has towards me to influence his actions on this deal.

  Calango has had his sights on Intellica for some time and I knew he wouldn’t relinquish until he had explored every possible recourse to make the deal happen. And since he’s my client, also known as the boss, I guess I am stuck dealing with Perkins. At least for now.

  After hanging up with Reasons and Calango, I sent an e-mail to Rob Ellis at Technosync to set up another meeting. With my confidence in the Intellica deal plummeting at a record pace I figured I’d better keep the Technosync deal moving, just as backup.

  As I made my way out of the office on my way to meet Toya for lunch, I called Shannon’s house and left a message for her: “hey, sexy, I know you’re at work, but I wanted to let you know that I love you. I’ll call you later.” I hung up and slipped my cell phone back into the inside pocket of my coat.

  “Debbie, I’m going to lunch. You can reach me on my cell phone. Better yet just text me.”

  “Yes, sir, enjoy your lunch.”

  “Thank you, Debbie,” I returned as I headed towards the elevators.

  I arrived at the Olive Garden at exactly eleven-thirty and immediately spotted Toya’s car parked in the front row of the parking lot facing the front door. Oh how she’d enjoy making a point of my tardy arrival.

  I found a parking spot, quickly deposited my Jeep, and speed-walked towards the door. I paused in the doorway and glanced at my watch. Damn, eleven thirty-two. I made a quick sweep of the bar and waiting area, no sign of Toya. I looked at my watch again before making a slight adjustment to the time. Eleven twenty-seven should about do it.

  An ample-bodied girl with, freckles and dark brown hair walked over and greeted me. She looked to be about nineteen or twenty. “Will you be dining alone today, sir?”

  “No, I’m meeting a friend for lunch.”

  “Oh,” she smiled. “I think she’s already here.” I was caught off guard. Glass forehead? Nah can’t be.

  “Excuse me?” I asked somewhat surprised.

  The girl giggled. “You’re here to meet Toya right?” I was diffident but intrigued.

  “Yes, are you a friend of Toya’s?”

  “No. Well, we were talking for a bit before I seated her. You look even better than she described you.”

  I was beginning to get it. Toya has a magnetic personality. You could leave her alone in a room with a perfect stranger and when you returned you would swear she had known them all her life. People love her and believe me I have taken her to enough parties to know. Toya is the ultimate icebreaker.

  “Okay, what exactly did she say about me?” My inquiry elicited a flirtatious grin.

  “Nothing really.” Her blue eyes scanned me from head to toe. “She definitely wasn’t lying though, mmmmuh. I’ll show you to her table.” I smiled, embarrassed by her obvious flirting.

  “Thank you, Susan,” I answered reading her name off the tag affixed to her white blouse. She again gave me the once over before turning towards the dining area.

  “Right this way, sir.” I followed now somewhat amused by the whole scene.

  We passed the bar and turned towards the rear of the dining area. Toya was seated at a table for two in the far right corner of the room. She sat facing the window. She always complained that I failed to pay attention to her whenever I had a seat with a window view. It was no doubt her reason for leaving me the seat with my back to the window. I glanced down at my wrist as we approached. Exactly eleven-thirty, at least by my watch it was. Toya and Susan exchanged suspiciously friendly smiles.

  “Well, you two enjoy your lunch.”

  “Thank you, Susan,” Toya answered splintering a wily grin as Susan walked away from the table. I kissed Toya on her cheek and sat down. Toya glanced at her watch and looked up at me, lightly tapping the face of her watch with her index finger. I picked up the menu and started reading it.

  “What time is it?” She asked. I glanced at my watch.

  “Eleven thirty-one.” Toya looked at her watch.

  “Excuse me but my watch says eleven-forty which means you are ten minutes late.” I looked at my watch again.

  “Your watch must be fast,” I answered matter-of-factly and continued reading the menu. Toya let go a sarcastic laugh.

  “I don’t know where you got that cheap watch but I suggest you get one that’s more reliable. You may have to spend a little more than the five dollars you paid for that one though. Think your budget can stand it?” I smiled.

  “Are you trying to say that my watch is cheap?”

  “Yep!”

  “Now that’s interesting.”

  “And how is that?”

  “Well, this happens to be the Movado you bought me for Christmas last year. Maybe I should have this thing appraised. It might just be a cheap imitation. In fact,” I removed the watch from my wrist and turned it over studying the back. “I better make sure it says Mo
vado and not Mocado or Mosado or some shit like that.” Toya glared at me with evil eyes like only she could. She picked up her menu and started through it. Round one was in the books and I had decisively put it in my column. I’d gotten past that all-important first hurdle. Now all I had to do was find the right words to break the news about Shannon’s pregnancy. I put the watch back on.

  I was halfway through my spaghetti and meatballs, as Toya twirled her fork around in her fettuccini alfredo; fretful, staring at her plate. I was continuing to consider different ways to introduce my news. I decided on a direct approach. To just come right out and say it; you know, cut right to the chase. I cleared my throat and was preparing to speak when Toya turned her eyes from her plate onto me.

  “So, what did you want to talk to me about?” I placed my fork on the table in front of me and sat back in my chair. Her interruption threw me completely off charge. I took a sip of my iced tea. Toya continued to stare at me.

  “I need your honest opinion about Shannon?” Toya let go an arid laugh before asking.

  “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?” Her voice relayed annoyance. “I’ve given you my opinion on her several times. What else do you want me to tell you?”

  “Toya. Seriously, I’m asking you for a reason.”

  “Kalem, why do you even care what I think about her? I’m not the one who has to date her. I don’t even know the woman. We met one time for lunch, it’s not like I’ve been hanging out with her.”

  “I know that. I just want your honest opinion. It’s important to me.”

  “What’s this all about?” Toya studied me with suspicion. “You never ask my opinion about your girlfriends. When did my opinion become so important to you? Because God knows I tried to tell you about that nasty heifer from Charleston, what was her name again? Oh yeah, Tiffany. You didn’t listen to me then did you? And what about Monica, that little Dominican girl you were messing with. I told you that Jason had been with that tramp while you and her were together, but did you listen? Hell no!

  “Toya,” I interrupted.

  “No!” She continued. “You asked me here, asked my opinion, so now you are going to listen to what I have to say.” She exhaled deeply. “If I tell you that I don’t think Shannon is the woman for you, is it really going to make a difference?” Toya continued to stare right into my eyes, into my soul as she spoke. I maintained eye contact for as long as I could. I felt her eyes probing into the inner depths of my being and I knew she had something important to say. Her glare unnerved me, and I looked into my half-eaten lunch for solace. Toya glanced out of the window.

  “I have sat back and watched you go through bad relationship after bad relationship and I have always been there for you whenever you’ve needed me. I’ve been more than a friend to you. Haven’t I?” I looked up at Toya, momentarily making eye contact before returning my gaze to the comfort of my pasta. She continued. “What do you know about my relationships? Can you name any of my boyfriends? Do you know anything about my love life?” I felt her words cut through me like a hot knife through fertile skin. She was right; I didn’t know anything about her relationships. Hell, I couldn’t even name any of her boyfriends since her divorce. Guilt consumed me. I felt selfish and ashamed. Toya had been my best friend for all of these years, but could I really say that I had been the same for her?

  “Well?” Toya continued. “All these years giving you advice, watching these so called women you were dating treat you like shit. It was really hard. It was hard to watch someone I love doing things that I knew were going to hurt him. Why do you think you don’t know anything about my relationships, or any of my boyfriends?” I searched for an answer, I had none. I returned to my pasta.

  “Kalem, I haven’t had a boyfriend since my divorce. I’ve dated, but nothing serious. Do you know why? I bet it’s never even crossed your mind. But every time you meet some woman and start dating her I sit back and watch. And then when it doesn’t work out and you break up with her I think: what is it going to take for this man to realize that the woman he needs is right here in front of him.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I tore my eyes away from my plate, my mouth hung open. I looked into Toya’s eyes. She looked away. “Kalem.” She brought her eyes up to meet mine. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, Toya,” I muttered.

  “No, I mean…I’m in love with you.” Toya looked down at her plate. I have always been aware that she had feelings for me, as I did for her, but I never imagined they ran as deep as she was now making apparent. I wanted to tell her that I felt the same way about her, but I knew that it would only make the news I had to convey more difficult to handle. Instead, I bit my tongue and looked away. Besides, is it even possible to be in love with two women at the same time? My face turned to a look of utter confusion. Toya was undaunted. She proceeded with her confession.

  “I know I can make you happy. I know we belong together. But I’m not going to force you into anything. You are so busy trying to find the right woman and all along I’ve been right here.” She shook her head and managed a faint smile. Not a smile of happiness, but a smile of relief and frustration.

  Damn, I am so stupid. It should have been obvious to me. I always dismissed the magnetism between Toya and me as an undemanding healthy sexual attraction. A function of us spending so much time together. I wished, but never imagined that it could encompass something deeper than that. I mean, I loved her, but I viewed my thing for Toya as almost sisterly. At least that’s what I had told myself. But reality was a totally different monster.

  Everyone saw it but me. Even Raoul and his stupid jokes about Toya and me wanting each other. I had lied to myself for a long time. I sat quiet, in thought. I squirmed uncomfortably in my chair as Toya continued to avoid eye contact. I couldn’t think of a worst circumstance to break my news about Shannon’s pregnancy under. My minute triumph with the watch had offered a forged sense of control. Funny how quickly shit can turn around on your ass. I steadied my nerve. Dive right in, cut to the chase.

  “Toya, I have to tell you something.” I continued to try and make eye contact but Toya refused, preferring to study the floor pattern to the right of our table. I cleared my throat and continued.

  “You know, I’ve always believed that somehow someday you and I would wind up together. Even when we were kids and you were in Detroit and I was in Miami, I never stopped thinking about you. I just knew it was meant to be. Then when we both moved back to St. Thomas for high school, I thought it would happen. We didn’t say more than ten words to each other during high school. But lying in bed at night, sitting in class, or just driving around in my car, I thought about you. Those years after high school, when we were in different parts of the country attending college. We never saw each other, or spoke, but still I thought of you. And then we both wound up living in Charlotte. It seemed as if we were destined to be together. All these years, my whole life, every time I have ever sat down and seriously thought about getting married or having kids, starting a family. I’ve always pictured it being with you.” It felt good to finally tell Toya the truth about how I felt and what I had been thinking for so many years. Toya looked up at me. She searched my eyes with hers before turning her gaze to the window behind me. I took a nervous sip of my iced tea.

  “I guess things don’t always work out the way you expect them to.” Toya turned from the window to me.

  “What do you mean by that? Kalem, if I would have known that you felt the same way I did, we could have-” I interrupted her. “Toya, Shannon’s pregnant.” She stared at me wide-eyed, her mouth open, and a stunned look on her face. She kept her gaze focused on me as if waiting for me to bring her back to reality by admitting my confession was in jest. I almost did. I continued to stare at her reinforcing that what I had said was no joke. It was all too real.

  Toya exhaled deeply and turned her gaze away from me back to the window. My news was sinking in. I continued to keep my eyes fixed on Toya’s face. She began to fi
dget with her napkin twisting the end into a tight knot. I longed for her to say something to break the awkward silence.

  “Toya, say something.” She looked at me. Her face bore a perplexed look as she searched in vain for words. She shook her head as if disgusted and turned away.

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “I don’t know...anything. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “What I’m thinking?” Toya repeated as if presenting the question to herself.

  “Yeah, I mean, what do you have to say.” Toya let out a brief sarcastic laugh.

  “Well, it really doesn’t matter what I think now does it?” She stared at me. The look in her eyes was as cold as I had ever seen from her. I backed off sensing that now wasn’t a good time to press Toya for her thoughts on my announcement. I needed to give her some time to digest it. It took me a while to come to terms with it when I first found out; could I expect anything more from her? Toya again looked away from me. She inhaled and exhaled deeply.

  “How long have you known?” She finally asked.

  “Since yesterday.”

  “So, that’s what was bothering you,” she said almost as if disappointed I didn’t have some other bad news on my mind. “How far along is she?” I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know, she didn’t tell you?”

  “No, I mean I didn’t ask.”

  “What do you mean you didn’t ask? How do you not ask something like that? Don’t you want to know?”

  “Yeah, it’s a long story.” Toya shook her head as if unable to comprehend what I had just said. There was a long silence; finally she spoke.

  “Well?”

  “Well what?”

  “What’s the story?” I wiped my hand over my perspiring bald head searching for relief.

  “Shannon didn’t exactly tell me that she was pregnant,” I confessed.

  “What! Well how-” Toya paused and collected her thoughts. “What makes you think that she is?”