Love Won't Let Me Wait Read online

  Back at my apartment, I took a cold shower and plopped down on the sofa in front of the television. As I sat staring at CNN my thoughts drifted to Josh and Stacey.

  I was curious to know how Josh was holding up. I hadn’t spoken to him since Applebee’s and his emotion filled narrative of Stacey’s exploits. I wondered if he had made it back out to San Diego. I imagined Stacey’s skunk ass still laid up in their house in Columbus trying to play the loving housewife role. The thought made me livid. I would have booted her nasty ass out of there on the spot.

  I picked up my cell and dialed Josh’s home number. After five rings I heard the voice mail clicking in and hung up. I had no desire to hear Stacey’s voice singing that fake ass, happily married, deeply in love message. Trifling bitch.

  I flipped the television to BET. There was an advertisement for one of those oldies CD’s. One of the featured songs was, “A Woman Needs Love,” by Ray Parker Jr. I immediately thought about Shannon.

  I again tried Shannon at home and on her cell to no avail. I realized that she was pissed but she could have at least let me know that she was safe. She was back to being inconsiderate. I left a message on her cell telling her that I needed to talk and asking her to call me first chance; then I dialed up Josh’s cell phone.

  “My man, how are you holding up?” There was a long pause.

  “I’m making it,” Josh answered, followed by prolonged silence.

  “So, what happened?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Have you spoken to her?”

  “Nah, I’ll talk to her when I get back to Columbus.”

  “You’re still out in Cali?”

  “Yeah. I’m finishing up this business out here.”

  “I hear you.” Josh appeared to be holding it together pretty well considering he had just discovered that his wife was a fucking whore. “When are you heading back?”

  “Tonight, nine o’clock.” He sighed. “Man, I don’t even know what I’m going to say to her. I’ve thought the whole thing over a thousand times. I know what you’re going to say; what is there to think about right?”

  “Damn right. She cheated on you in your house, where you pay the mortgage, in your bed. Kick her ungrateful ass out,” I demanded. Josh paused.

  “That’s what my ego tells me to do.” He exhaled loudly. “But, my heart man, it’s hurting, hurting bad. I still love her, and I keep thinking maybe we can work things out.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  “Work it out? Man, are you crazy? Do you think that she is not going to do that shit again? How do you even know this was the first time? There could be five, ten, twenty other guys out there that have been fucking your wife while you’ve been out of town on business.”

  “I think this was the first time,” Josh answered. I was pissed.

  “How do you know that? If you ask me you’re being naïve.”

  “I know my wife, Kalem. This was her first time.” I grunted.

  “Obviously you don’t know her. How many women, or men for that matter, have the nerve to cheat on their spouse, in their house, in their bed the first time around? That is not neophyte behavior, dude. That’s veteran shit.” Josh was quiet.

  “Maybe you’re right,” he conceded. “But the bottom line is I need to decide whether or not I’m going to try and work through this shit. Cause if I plan to stay in this marriage, I don’t see how it would help any to even bring up what I saw in our bedroom that night.”

  “What! Have you lost your fucking mind, Josh? You’re not even going to tell her that you know.”

  “Kalem, listen to me. I’ve been with Stacey for six years now. And up until the other night she has been the perfect friend, wife, and lover. People make mistakes man, none of us are perfect. What I’m trying to say is. I had the dream, had it right there in front of me. Stacey gave that to me. I want it back, and I don’t know if I can have it with another woman. So I don’t see how it would help any to tell her what I saw. All that’s going to do is make her feel guilty and self-conscious around me. I need her to be happy. Seeing her happy is what makes me happy.” I blew out some steam.

  “Well if I were in your shoes all of this shit you are spewing would be irrelevant. There wouldn’t be a damn thing for me to think about. Fuck that, bitch, get your shit and get the fuck out, plain and simple.” There was silence between us. I broke it.

  “Let me ask you this. You’re concerned about how she will feel if you confront her, and you think it’s better if she isn’t aware that you know right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want her thoughts to be preoccupied with her mistakes. You can’t be happy like that.”

  “Well, do you think you’re just going to be able to forget what you saw? Listen, Josh. There aren’t too many dudes that have walked into their crib and seen some shit like you saw and are still walking around talking to their friends about it. Most of them are up in Sing Sing, Pelican Bay, Rikers Island or some other prison for murdering the bitch. Thank God you didn’t go out like that but, this shit is going to stay with you for a long time. And it’s going to eat at you like a cancer every time you see her, or make love to her, it will be there. Shit like that doesn’t just go away. You have to confront it, and deal with it. You’re not going to be happy until you do that. There are plenty of folks in therapy over shit like this. Ultimately what you do is going to be up to you. But it sounds to me like you’re running away from the problem. And I’ve never known you to back down from anyone or anything. I say you need to sack up and be a man. Get rid of her ass.” Josh was quiet.

  “You know, before I got married or even a couple of years ago, I would be singing the same tune you are right now. Stacey’s ass would have been to the curb. You remember that’s what we told Eric to do after he caught Misty cheating on him. You remember how pissed off we were when he stayed with her.” Eric is Josh’s older brother. He is married to a self-professed church girl and caught her screwing around with one of deacons.

  “Yeah, I remember, but that’s a totally different situation. First of all we all know Misty had been cheating on Eric since day one. And he hasn’t been faithful to her either. That whole tired situation is just one big farce. As far as I’m concerned they deserve each other.”

  “I’m telling you, it’s different when you’re the one in the situation. When you’re the one having to confront your wife, your marriage, and your future. You don’t know what it’s like until you’ve been there. It’s hard to just let it all go.”

  “Look, it’s true that I have never been married. But I have had a couple of women dog me out. You know this. Take Cherise for example. I had it bad for that girl. Sprung like a motherfucker. But as soon as I found out she had slept with that dude at Sunsplash in Jamaica, what did I do? Sent her ass packing right? Yeah, it hurt me, I was depressed for days. But I got over it and eventually I found someone else. I refuse to deal with that type of bullshit from a female. Don’t sell yourself short, Josh, you deserve better than that.” There was a long silence. I felt as if Josh was giving thought to what I had said and hoped he would see things my way.

  “Maybe you’re right,” he relented. Now that’s the Josh that I know. I knew he would come around. “I have to head out to this meeting. I’ll hit you up when I get back to Columbus.”

  “Alright, bro, keep your head up. Sack up, dog. Be a man.”

  “Later, King.”

  My conversation with Josh got me to reminiscing about Cherise. I hadn’t thought about her in years. I was in deep with that girl. I met her at Wet-n-Wild in Orlando during Memorial Day weekend my sophomore year in college. Spotted her in the Lazy River; that water ride where you can either sit on a tube and float, swim, or just walk with the water which flows around in a circle clockwise. It’s boring but a great way to relax.

  After I spotted her I couldn’t stop commenting to Raoul and Greg about how pretty she was. She had dark brown skin, with shoulder-length brown hair
that she had cut in one of those Mary J Blige, b-girl styles. Her eyes were light brown and she had the most infectious smile. I kept my eyes on her the entire time we were in the Lazy River. I was even more intrigued as I watched her climb the stairs in her gold two-piece bathing suit. Her legs were long, slim and muscular. I found out later that she was a dancer and gymnast. She was tall, about 5’9”, didn’t have that bubble butt that I am so fond of and her breast were a little on the small side; but she had just enough to make me overlook that. She definitely had it going on.

  I stepped to her at the lockers where she stood drying off. She told me that she was nineteen, just graduated high school and getting ready to head off to college at FAMU. I found out later that she was only eighteen but what’s the difference, I just needed to make sure that she wasn’t a minor. We talked for a while. She was from New York, like I figured from her thick Brooklyn accent. Her parents were from Barbados. I told her a few things about me and left her with my number. I rarely took a female’s phone number. I figured if I gave her mine and she didn’t call, then she wasn’t interested. It was an efficient way of weeding out the bullshitters. I never did understand that. Why give me your telephone number if you’re not interested?

  Well, a week later she called and we hooked up. Went and checked out a movie and then headed back to my apartment. We talked for a while. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. It was an amazing experience, the girl had skills. She rode me like a world class jockey in the Belmont Stakes. And she made these sexy noises throughout that had me turned all the way the fuck on. I kept the light on throughout the entire experience and her body did not disappoint, it was something to look at. Absolutely perfect.

  Sex with Cherise was the bomb every time. It is still some of the best sex I’ve had to this day. Two freaks like her and I coming together was like a sexual explosion; our Fourth of July of freakiness. We dated for almost four years even remaining together for a few months after I made the move to Charlotte. She could have been my Stacey which is ironic given that she messed up in the same way Stacey did. For me, cheating is an absolute deal breaker so she had to go. I’m not going to lie though, I still miss her. I dozed off recalling Cherise and some of the wild stuff we used to do and wouldn’t you know it, I dreamed about her and I having sex. A threesome at that.

  I was startled from my dream by the endless ringing of my cordless phone. I glanced up at the wall above my entertainment center. It was ten-fifteen. I had been asleep for over three hours. I reached back and grabbed the phone off of the end table.

  “Hello.” There was a brief silence. “Hello,” I repeated.

  “Kalem, it’s me.”

  “Shannon, baby what’s up?” She sighed. “Where are you?”

  “I’m at home.” I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Shannon. I want to apologize again for the way I talked to you the other day.” I waited for a response. There was none so I continued. “I was having a really stressful day. A lot of things went wrong, stuff at work, shit with Josh and Stacey. Anyway, I said some things out of frustration that I shouldn’t have. Look, I need to talk to you, why don’t I come over there and we can sit down-” she cut me off.

  “Kalem.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m in Baltimore.”

  “Baltimore?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why, I mean when did you leave?” Again Shannon sighed.

  “I had to take care of some things. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

  “What things, what’s going on?”

  “Nothing, just some personal stuff.”

  “There you go with that again. Look, are you ever going to let me be a part of your life or is everything with you always going to be personal?”

  “Kalem, I don’t want to do this over the phone, I need to talk to you in person.

  “Well, is it something serious?”

  “We’ll talk. I’ll call you when I get back.”

  I hung up feeling frustrated and ineffectual. I wanted to be there for Shannon but she kept shutting me out of her life. Our relationship was beginning to seem hollow. I wondered about what she wanted to talk to me about. I got up and walked upstairs to the bedroom and stretched across the bed sideways on my stomach.

  I hate that. Don’t mention the need to talk to me about something until you are actually prepared to discuss it. I’m now doomed to spend the next twelve hours trying to determine what she wants to talk to me about. I rolled over onto my back with my fingers interlocked behind my head.

  It’s probably about my blow up the other day. I’m sure Shannon didn’t appreciate me talking to her the way I did. I’ll just have to keep apologizing and explain the situation I was in. I was in a poisoned fog that day.

  But then again she could want to discuss the pregnancy. God knows it’s about time she tells me about it. It’s probably a good thing she waited though. It has given me time to prepare and adjust. I’m already over the shock and accepted the fact that I’m going to be a father. This “talk” should be a breeze, unless it’s about something else.

  This is exactly why I hate having to put off conversations until later. I exhaled and resolved to not give it any more thought. I’ll deal with it tomorrow, whatever it is. I rolled over onto my side and looked out the window at the fountain in the garden next to my apartment building. I liked the way the purple, red, green and yellow floodlights illuminated the water around the fountain. I watched the water flow over the rainbow of colored light and tried to free my mind of thoughts of Shannon and her conversation. Damn…what could she possibly need to talk to me about?

  The drive to Shannon’s condo was as anxious a ride as I have ever taken. My mind continued to race about the potential topics of our impending conversation. Something about her tone of voice and the shortness of our conversation told me it was a big deal, maybe an even bigger deal than her pregnancy. Or, maybe I had just worked myself up to hysterical proportions over the last ten and a half hours waiting to have the damn conversation. Either way, I threw on my game face and organized my thoughts as I approached her building.

  Shannon was sitting on her sofa with her legs folded left over right. Her foot tapped the floor in a steady, nerve racking beat. I sat in the recliner to her right staring at her, waiting for her to begin the conversation.

  She hadn’t made me feel welcome or relaxed with the half-hearted one-armed hug she greeted me with. She didn’t so much as give me a kiss on the cheek. She sat there quiet in her pink, terry cloth robe and white slippers. The waiting and her foot tapping were making me anxious and annoyed. I decide to break the silence.

  “So, how did it go up in Baltimore?” Shannon shifted her body to the left, away from me and ran her hand through her hair. She began to pull at the ends. She nodded her head to signal that things had gone okay.

  “When did you get back?”

  “My flight came in this morning.”

  “How’s your mom?”

  “Good.”

  “Did you see Shay?”

  “No,” she answered continuing a succession of cold, short responses. Enough of the cold shoulder, let’s just get to the point.

  “Okay, Shannon what do you want to talk about?” The look Shannon gave me communicated quit clearly that I had invaded on her territory and she was not at all pleased. She was aware that the silent treatment and short answers were making me uncomfortable and I don’t think she appreciated me cutting in. But I wasn’t going to play her game a minute longer. If she was going to punish me for something, she’d at least have to tell me what I did wrong. I was not going to continue to take shit from her simply because she was having a bad day, or week, or whatever the hell was going wrong in her life at the time that caused her to desire to relieve stress at my expense. I maintained a defiant stare demanding a response. She looked away, down at the floor. Shannon started to speak but stopped short struggling to find the right lead in. I leaned back in the chair continuing to lock in on her with my
eyes. She took a deep breath and looked up at me.

  “Kalem, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” I was taken aback. Did she just say what I think she just said? I stared at her in disbelief.

  “Say what? Did you just say you don’t think we should see each other anymore?” Shannon looked away from me over her shoulder into the open bedroom door. I leaned forward in the chair waiting for her to respond. She nodded her head in confirmation. I was stunned. I had no idea what had brought this on. It couldn’t possibly have been our argument the other day. I said some things but that was hardly enough to warrant this. I continued to stare at Shannon awaiting an explanation. She just sat there staring at the wall tapping her damn foot on the floor.

  “Are you going to tell me what this is about?” I asked; my voice cracking.

  “I just don’t think it’s going to work out.”

  “And when did you come to this conclusion.” Shannon appeared agitated and my shock was beginning to turn to anger. My voice rose in volume with each sentence.

  “What does it matter when-” I cut her off.

  “It matters!”

  “Why?”

  “What do you mean why?”

  “Why is that important?” She answered nonchalantly. Her indifference was really pissing me off. I thought this woman loved me and that made a big difference.

  “It’s important! A couple of days ago we were supposedly in love and now all of a sudden it’s not going to work out; and you ask me why it is important?” Her response was curt.

  “Look, I have my reasons okay; don’t make this any harder than it needs to be.”

  “Well, do you care to share because I’m completely lost right now? What are your reasons?”

  “Kalem, just leave it alone alright; it’s better this way.” She looked into my eyes, and I saw a coldness there that I wasn’t aware existed. I was baffled.

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that.” I shook my head in disgust and stood to leave. Shannon sat staring at the floor. My anger was now pain. I felt my eyes begin to moisten. I fought back the tears. No way was I going to let her completely break me down, and take my dignity too. I had too much pride for that. Hell no, I refused to shed any tears. I started towards the door; halfway there I turned back to Shannon.